alt.enterprise.gossip 2: THE UNRELENTING
Jul. 6th, 2009 06:52 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
http://users.livejournal.com/_samalander/ posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
startrek_diaryLAST TIME, ON AS THE ENTERPRISE TURNS...
Everyone's favorite wacky duo, lt.john.kyle.SUP and lt.kevin.riley.OPS bridged their differences - despite lt.john.kyle.SUP's parents breeding like rabbits, it turns out that ice cream restores all ills.
Angry with his friend for convincing him that "jelloresling" was a desert and not naked girls rolling around, en.pavel.chekov.COMM told lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM to take a long walk off a short pier - until he caught a glimpse of cp.james.kirk.CMND's frilly pink thong.
Having caught cp.james.kirk.CMND in dr.leonard.mccoy.MEDD's office receiving an... unorthodox physical, cdr.s-chn-t-gai.spock.OPS was both repulsed and intrigued.
WILL McCoy end up shaving his legs to appease Kirk?
WILL Uhura ever get her man to lick that syrup off her?
WILL Scotty show up this week?
FIND OUT, IN THE COMMENT SECTION!
Everyone's favorite wacky duo, lt.john.kyle.SUP and lt.kevin.riley.OPS bridged their differences - despite lt.john.kyle.SUP's parents breeding like rabbits, it turns out that ice cream restores all ills.
Angry with his friend for convincing him that "jelloresling" was a desert and not naked girls rolling around, en.pavel.chekov.COMM told lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM to take a long walk off a short pier - until he caught a glimpse of cp.james.kirk.CMND's frilly pink thong.
Having caught cp.james.kirk.CMND in dr.leonard.mccoy.MEDD's office receiving an... unorthodox physical, cdr.s-chn-t-gai.spock.OPS was both repulsed and intrigued.
WILL McCoy end up shaving his legs to appease Kirk?
WILL Uhura ever get her man to lick that syrup off her?
WILL Scotty show up this week?
FIND OUT, IN THE COMMENT SECTION!
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 11:19 am (UTC)Recipient: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
Good news: the Captain is not scratching his skins today.
Bad news: he keeps stroking his extremely smooth-shaven jaw and grinning.
Good news: So far he has not flashed me his underwear.
Bad news: I dreamed about the Captain in his pink lacy underwear last night. It was a horrible, horrible nightmare.
When are you coming on shift today? I did not check the rota.
p.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 12:07 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
Confucius say: Beware smooth-grinning captain.
Would it help if I showed you my underwear? It is quite manly and not lacy at all. In fact, it may or may not have monster trucks on it.
I'll be up there in a few hours. If you get bored, count the number of times you catch Kirk admiring his reflection in the view screen. It's actually a great game.
H
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 12:43 pm (UTC)RECIPIENT: dr.leonard.mccoy.MEDD
Bones!
Jailbait is totally checking me out in the viewscreen. Awesome Y/Y?
Maybe I should let us both off the next shift? Are you gonna be available?
I bet McKenna wouldn't notice if I winked at Chekov. I'm winking at Chekov. Damn, I wish I had those panties on again, I'm 99% sure he was going for that.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 01:15 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
Did the captain just wink at me?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:07 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.caroline.mckenna.COMM
I hope he was winking at you. If he was not winking at you, then he was probably winking at me.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:16 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
I somehow find it more likely that he was winking at you. Did you hear he owns a pink lacy thong and matching bra?
Also, my buddy down in procurement told me that Kirk and the doctor have a veritable menagerie of things on hold and no one knows what they may be for.
What, do you presume, they'd be doing with a bullwhip, a jar of unsalted almonds, five socks and the distributor cap from a 2067 Chevy?
Yeah, way more likely it was you.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:21 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.caroline.mckenna.COMM
Oh God no I think it was you. Definitely you.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:24 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
Hey Jailbait did you see me winking? I know you were checking me out. Wanna do something later? Like, immediately after this shift later?
It's okay, I promise not to tell your boyfriend.
Kirk out
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:28 pm (UTC)Recipient: joe.tormolen.SCI
BCC: kevin.riley.OPS, john.kyle.SUP, montgomery.scott.ENG
The captain's making eyes at Chekov. Anyone want to start taking bets about the outcome?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:38 pm (UTC)Recipient: tony.giotto.SEC
BCC: kevin.riley.OPS, john.kyle.SUP, joe.tormolen.SCI
20 on Chekov wetting himself.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:42 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
Hikaru I have so many reasons to kill you. The Captain thought I was checking him out in the viewscreen and now he's asked me to "do something later".
He is the CAPTAIN, Hikaru. What do I do?
Seriously I am transferring to another ship before he turns up at my quarters completely naked and hair-free but for his pink thong. Now you cannot stop picturing it either, can you? I warn you, it is waiting on the inside of your eyelids when you try to sleep.
This is all your fault AGAIN.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:45 pm (UTC)Recipient: cp.james.kirk.CMND
Didn't we talk about this already?
Pavel does not have permission to sleep with anyone but me. If you want permission to proposition him, you go through me.
Capisce?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:47 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
I either just made it better or much, much worse. Let me know. I'm up there in 2 hours.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:49 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
CC: en.pavel.chekov
Don't threaten me, Lieutenant.
Also, does Ensign Chekov know you're trying to fight his battles for him? And fucking up spectacularly?
Jailbait, I want you to know I'm not angry. Just... disappointed. You know it's not hard for me to pull up the communications records for any crewmember, and I want you to know that I would never have just turned up at your quarters in the thong.
(not when I've got the matching set. You sure you're not interested?)
Kirk out
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 02:52 pm (UTC)RECIPIENT: cp.james.kirk.CMND
...why did Sulu just run in here like a 6-year-old on the first day of school, complaining of a nebulous "tummy ache" and asking to be excused from duty?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 03:52 pm (UTC)Recipient: cp.james.kirk.CMND
CC: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
Captain,
I must apologise for the misunderstanding.
The reason Lt Sulu keeps claiming a sexual relationship with me that does not really exist is that he is very much in love with me, which is a thing that is both sad and funny when you think about it. As a heartless youth of 17, I am maybe guilty of having played with his feelings for my own callous amusement, leading to the situation in which we now find ourselfs. Truly, Lt Sulu is a pathetic man who deserves pity and not your ire.
I hope you will understand and not be angry with him any more.
Yours,
Ensign Chekov.
PS Still no.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 03:53 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
Oh hey I saved your life again, Hikaru! Remind me never to ask you for advice again.
(Caroline helped me with the phrasing. I liked "callous amusement" best, what did you think?)
p.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 04:15 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
I am forever in your debt. Provided he buys it.
Also, I am pathetic and the doctor kicked me out of sickbay and told me to go to work. Care to teach me to be a bad-ass like yourself?
[ENCRYPTIONLVL2]
Date: 2009-07-06 04:34 pm (UTC)Recipient: lt.hikaru.sulu.COMM
Haha, now he is winking at you. That is not the sort of wink he was giving me, so I think we will never mention this again and maybe it will go away.
I am encrypting this but Ensigns can only encrypt to LVL2. Anyway I hope the Captain will not read it.
Hikaru you keep pretending we are having sex when we are not having sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if I was 18, would you want to have sex with me? Because I will be 18 quite soon, and I might not be the sort of boy who goes all the way on the first date. It is for you to think about.
Hypothetically, of course.
p.x?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 04:38 pm (UTC)Recipient: tony.giotto.SEC
BCC: kevin.riley.OPS, john.kyle.SUP, joe.tormolen.SCI
How's Captain Happy and Ensign Jailbait getting on?
[ENCRYPTIONLVL3]
Date: 2009-07-06 05:08 pm (UTC)Recipient: en.pavel.chekov.COMM
Fear my mighty levels of encryption! Fear them!
Of course, encryption is just going to make the CAPTAIN WHOM I LOVE like super totally sure that we're plotting mutiny or something.
His wink, I have now learned, is something to be feared. This is a wink which says "TREMBLE ALL, FOR I AM KIRK THE MIGHTY"
I just don't want to see you get hurt or anything, okay? Don't spread it around but there was one very drunken night at the Academy where I went down James KRIK THE AWESOME Boulevard, and it is not a happy place.
I mean, while you're there it's okay, but it takes a very special person to consider moving in or even going on an annual vacation.
I wish I knew when this metaphor stopped making sense.
And hypothetically speaking, I would like to take you out for some kind of activity which, in some cultures might be called a date before I got down to any kind of sexing. I say these things because sex is the only language KIRK THE MERCIFUL understands.
Of course, all things between us would be hypothetical for the next two weeks and three days. Not that I'm counting.
Hikaru
PS - I don't think that highly of KIRK THE BENEVOLENT AND ALL-KNOWING. It appears a certain someone implemented a subroutine in my mail client.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:27 pm (UTC)RECIPIENT: dr.leonard.mccoy.MEDD
Because he is, deep down, a tiny baby girl.
Damn it I need to know what Sulu's messaging JB about that's making him smile like that! I think if I look at encrypted messages without proper clearance the sender gets an alert. I bet Uhura can get around that. I'll ask.
Bones... I'm sexy, aren't I? I'm hot, I'm broad-minded, I'm experienced, I don't tie people down, I'm the CAPTAIN, all that.
Why doesn't Jailbait want to fuck me? WHY?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:33 pm (UTC)RECIPIENT: cp.james.kirk.CMND
Maybe he doesn't swing your way? I mean, we've established that you're a naughty little girl (what underwear are you wearing?) and if he likes Sulu, then maybe he doesn't go for your type? Apparently he goes for the sword-welding, starship-flying, dark haired type. And you're a ledge-hanging, ship-captaining blond. Y/Y?
And you do tie people down. I've seen the ropes under your bed and I saw the burns on Rand's wrists a few weeks ago.
If Jailbait won't come to his senses, we can pick another target. Sulu is probably mortified enough by whatever it is that happened to agree to it.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:37 pm (UTC)Recipient: john.kyle.SUP
When do you think those two are just going to finally hook up? God. Kirk was right. They are gayer than us.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:39 pm (UTC)Recipient: john.kyle.SUP
And the Captain crosses dresses, according to the rumors. I mean. We're just so out ranked on this gay thing. I think we should just give up and drink beer and watch football matches.